Queer Eye for the RENT Guy
by incendiary-wit
Summary: The events of when the Fab Five paid a visit to everyone's favorite roommateslovers. MarkRoger slash, like it or lump it.


Title: Queer Eye for the RENT Guys

Pairing: Roger/Mark and Kyan/Jai...because pretty boys are fun

Rating:R-because of Bad word!Roger

Summary: The Queer Eye guys decide to take over Mark and Roger's. See the bad furniture fly out the window, laugh as Carson makes fun of _everything_ in the house.

Mark and Roger were enjoying a nice make-out session on their bed, tongues dancing, hands exploring, and hipsgrindingwhen there was a knock at the door.

"Hellooooooooo," a voice called as another knock sounded on the door.

Mark sighed and untangled himself from his postionon top of Roger and answered the door.

"Hello, Mark Cohen and Roger Davis," Ted Allencalled as the men of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy pushed past Mark into the loft.

"Roger!" Mark called worryingly as the five men pranced around the loft, making jokes about the décor…or lack thereof. "Roger, we have company."

"Well, tell them to fuck off, I'm horny as hell and I want you back in this room in three seconds for some unbelievable and mindblowing sex," Roger yelled back.

Jai blushed and giggled, Carson and Thom started snickering and Kyan and Ted just covered their mouths with their hands.

"Uh, baby. They're already in and you need to get out here…like now," Mark shuffled from one foot to the other.

Roger sighed and straightened his shirt and hair. He walked into the main room and gaped at the scene. Thom was poking the couch like it was going to bite him. Carson as in his room, rummaging through the closet. He found Roger's plaid pants and said, "Plaid is now officially dead. You've killed it." Then he threw the pants out the window. Kyan was playing with Mark's hair and trying to force it to lay flat, a worthless attempt. Ted was mocking their choice of food, "Captain Crunch? Are you two twelve?" Jai was asking Mark what kind of films he made and shifting through the large piles of films.

Collins entered the loft, holding Roger's pants in one hand, "These flew out of the window and hit me. Are you two fighting or just really enthusiastic?" He looked at the scene, laughed and muttered something about Maureen.

Mark broke away from the hairstylist and jumped forward to grab Roger's pants with one hand and Collins' collar with the other. "What about Maureen? What did she-" realization shone from Mark's face, "She didn't. please God, Collins, tell me she didn't. She couldn't…she wouldn't…well, she would, but she couldn't."

Collins just pried Mark's hand away from his shirt and took two steps back, "She would, she could, she did."

Mark just fake-fainted and started to shake in a mixture of laughing and crying, twitching occasionally. Roger ran to his boyfriend and held him like they were prisoners of war and the Fab Five were enemy soldiers.

Carson had wandered into Mark's closet and was yelling insultively funny quips about his clothing, "Do you own anything that fits? Anything at all?"

Mark stood up and stuttered, "Not that we're not…well…actually…"

Bad word!Roger just blurted, "What the fuck are you doing here?"

Jai just looked at the camera, "We can bleep that out."

Mark shot Bad word!Roger a look, and he became Puppy eyed!Roger (I swear the exclamation point names stop here…probably), "What he meant is…we're not straight. We're sorta together-"

Roger glared, "Sorta! What about last night was 'sorta'?"

Mark rolled his eyes, "Anyway, we're not straight guys, so why are you here?"

Ted called from the kitchen, "It's a special…Queer Eye for the Gay Guys. Your friend Maureen suggested it, actually."

Roger's eyes lit with angry fire, "I'm going to kill her. I'm going to fucking kill her and then I'll revive her and kill her again!"

Kyan looked over at Mark, "He swears a lot, huh?"

Mark nodded, dropping his head into his hand. "Kill me."

Kyan's boyfriend Jai came up and put his arm around Mark's shoulders, "It's okay, Mark."

Roger turned and glared at Jai, who just dropped his arm and backed away slowly.

Carson came out of Mark's room and grabbed the filmmaker by the arm, "You're coming with us and he's going with them," he gestured first between himself and Kyan and then between Jai and Ted. "Thom's going to clean up this crack den."

Roger just shrugged, "It looked better when it was."

The Fab Five looked a little alarmed, but brushed it off as more craziness from who they would later call, "The insane, swearing, slightly murderous, stubborn guy." Mark was referred to as, "The closest thing to a puppy in human form."


End file.
